Labyrinth: A Burlesque Re-Imagining

‘When in Rome’ isn’t a good reason to do something. I don’t know what Romans are getting up to these days, but if it’s anything like anywhere else, it’s all kinds of nonsense. I can’t be condoning such a blatantly tacit endorsement of cultural relativism, so I’ll be taking my superior traditions across whatever borders I travel, thank you very much.

So here’s Vancouver, with what I’m told is a vibrant burlesque scene, but it’s going to take more than a plea of social acceptance and assimilation to get me in one of those seats. Lucky for them, though, that they upped their game by promising this:

Last time I saw ‘Labyrinth’ in its film form was a double bill with ‘Dark Crystal’. After it was done, someone in the row behind me says how they prefer ‘Labyrinth’, because ‘Dark Crystal’ feels like it was made up as they went along. This may be the most offensive thing I’ve ever heard. It still hurts.

What would have made this stage production worse is if it had been more professional. As it was, the homemade effects, budget costumes and dance numbers that could have had a couple more rehearsals made it all the better.

There’s clearly a love of the original film, but also a very funny awareness of what’s mockable about it. Early on, Sarah’s father portrayed as an explicitly ‘cool dad’ backed by the Seinfeld guitar twang combines with jokes about her age-appropriateness for all the script asks her to do. We wonder, is fifteen a good age for adults to insist children go out dating, let alone for them to receive proprietary interests from Goblin Kings?

Easily the best element is the character of David Bowie’s Jareth, reinterpreted by Draco Muff-Boi (possibly a stage name, must check). Perfectly aping his, as it turns out, imitable acting style for the role, the show’s at its most hilarious whenever this ridiculous villain is on stage – doubly so for all the showdowns with Hoggle. Don’t make him into a Prince of the Land of Stench, please!

Other points of high merit must include Fiona Ample as Sir Didymus, aided by the ‘weirdly sexy dog’ Ambrosius (no credit given), who only looks slightly less like a model for a carpet remnant store than Digijon as a perfectly-voiced Ludo. Ginger Femmecat’s range of highly theatrical facial expressions for the ever-emoting Sarah are also a joy to see. I also think some of these names might not match their birth certificates either.

Very pleasing as well that the two worst scenes in the film were either removed completely (that old man with a bird’s head on his head), or less directly referenced (the fireys, which here just has everyone putting orange underwear on for a few minutes).

i’m a massive wanker!

Here’s an exercise in lazy writing as I just list some of the musical choices I liked, mostly because they and the dances they came with were funny:

• Sarah’s character introduction plays out to Wheatus’ ‘Teenage Dirtbag.’
• Hoggle’s first meeting with Sarah follows up with him dancing with intended allure to Carly Rae Jepsen’s ‘Call Me Maybe.’
• Better and even more appropriately, Sir Didymus arrives to a routine of Ylvis’ ‘What Does the Fox Say?’
• Betterer and appropriatelyer still, ‘My Humps’ introduces the landfill-carrying The Junk Lady.
• The masquerade ball sequence ditches the original soundtrack, going with Lady Gaga’s ‘Bad Romance.’

I’d happily go to anything else this group put on. Except I won’t, because the other main thing they do is ‘Star Wars’ burlesque – e.g. ‘Part IV: A Nude Hope,’ ‘Part VI – The Reveal of the Jedi’ – and my intense lack of interest with that franchise is going to be a lot to get over, whether I’m in Rome or anywhere else.