So before they put the film on, there was this talk – with clips – on Canadian horror. And it was very nice, I had a great time. Obvs Cronenberg got a mention, and quite right, but it was also good to see a wider range of references, including things I’d never heard of. Now, what I’m about to criticize may have been addressed in the opening couple of minutes which I missed, so if it was, forget everything I haven’t said yet. But I was there the whole hour waiting for the professor to mention that this film – ‘Ginger Snaps Unleashed’ – which he was granting as the major turning point in contemporary horror in Canada… Not ‘Ginger Snaps’, mind, but ‘Ginger Snaps Unleashed’, its first sequel. There was a second sequel, ‘Ginger Snaps Back’, but you knew that already, and also how it’s not a sequel, it’s a prequel. But it wasn’t them he was focusing on, it was ‘Ginger Snaps Unleashed’. And you also know that ‘Ginger Snaps Unleashed’ is the only one of the three which has Emily Perkins as the lead. She’s in the other two – ‘Ginger Snaps’ and ‘Ginger Snaps Back’ – but she’s supporting Katharine Isabelle in them. But we all know this. So what I was waiting for was for him to say “I reckon ‘Ginger Snaps Unleashed’ is the best one. It’s the most important. It is.” And then someone in the audience, which I realize now should have been me, should have said, “Oh, really? That’s an interesting hypothesis, that. Tell me, is that the only one of the three your wife was the lead in?” And he could have said, “Yes, it is, mate. Do you want to make something of it?” And they, possibly me, then says, “Nah, you’re alright. Are you going to follow this up by saying the best bit in ‘Juno’ was when Juno goes to get the abortion and the receptionist is a bit rude to her?” And he says, “Why wouldn’t I say that? That can be deductively shown.” And I could say, “But would you think it important to mention who played that role?” To this, he just starts scrolling through his PowerPoint files. “Oh, right,” I continue, emboldened and powerful. “And the best TV ever is probably…” And he’d pretend to think about it, maybe whipping out an abacus to work on for a minute, and then he says, “So many to choose from, but we can round it down to the underrated ‘Hiccups’ and ‘Da Vinci’s Inquest’…”
“Oh for fuck’s sake”, I say, kicking over someone else’s popcorn as I stomp over to the exit door. I hadn’t bought any for myself, so sorry to the person I didn’t do this to, but I needed to make a tetchy gesture of upset. At the door, I turn back to shout, “You ought to read a bit more late second wave feminist epistemology, sunshine! Learn a bit about the perils of an ostensible ‘view from nowhere’ position!”
“Yes, thank you. Please leave,” he says, shuffling the notes Emily might have written for him.
“Always make explicit reference to your subjectivities in research and analysis!” I yell, as the glasses-wearing arthouse cinema security politely suggest I step outside. Enraged, I turn my ire on them. “No! No! You fucking fuck off! He’s perpetuating masculinist false impartiality! It’s fucking textbook, this is! He’s no better than fucking Bacon!”
The reedy attendant compresses their brow in puzzlement, but I scream in their face before their inevitable confused question worms its way from their troubled mouth.
“No, not the fucking food! The fucking essayist, scientist and statesman! You fucking prick!”
And with that, I’m gone, the only sign I was ever there the headbutt indentation on the Claude Chabrol cardboard standee in the atrium.
Glad that didn’t happen, though. I would have missed the film. It’s really good. One could even say pivotal in the development of Canadian horror cinema.
redandblackrainbows 
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